I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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