All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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