i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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