I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
