i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
