Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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