Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
