Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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