Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
