my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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