How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
