Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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