some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize