Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
