woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
