Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
