I just cut my nipple shaving
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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