the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
