I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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