And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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