I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
