oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
