Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
