$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
