Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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