I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
