Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize