I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
