i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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