Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize