I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
