It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
