We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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