Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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