oh god the rape fog is back!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
