My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
