While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
