we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
