You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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