are you so shy because you have an std?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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