so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
