it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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