Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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