Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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