I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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