I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
