Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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