Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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