dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
