the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My vagina just recognized that song.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
