Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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