My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
