This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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