If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
