im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
