You're my little dorito
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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