Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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