I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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