Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
