I'm eating all of the evidence.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
