There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
