its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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