I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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