she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
