Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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