Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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