Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
