Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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