These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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