Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
