the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
