The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
