it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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