and she was petting her beer can
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
