Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
