does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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